Allow Yourself To Simply Be

How to feel better when your mind won’t let you

Un-awesome Emotions

Everything that comes into your life presents an opportunity to make you a better person.

Sure sounds good, doesn’t it?  So why is it that some situations seem to clearly identify themselves as opportunities for betterment, yet others just feel like…like…shit?

I know you’ve asked yourself that question, and I’ve certainly asked it myself!

When we’re actually in the thick of things, I mean right smack in the middle of:

that argument with your partner…

that amazing business opportunity that now seems like a scam…

that partnership with a fellow Execumama that has too often left you feeling drained…

that unsuccessful attempt at taking yourself/your business to the next level…

that literature about that program that seemed perfect for you, until you looked at the price…

that for-the-millionth-time debate with that member of your family

Yep, any or all of the above can send the most Zen-like, every day meditation practicing, Goddess to self connection having woman into an internal rampage at any given point in her journey.  So, how the heck do we deal with that?

Well, for starters, we allow ourselves to FEEL without self-judgment.  It is alright for us to embrace our full spectrum of emotions without should’ve/would’ve/could’ve joining the party.  The first step is the emotion, and I believe that when we try to squash it, it simply presents itself at a less convenient time, and gets the benefit of strengthening itself against our attempts to either beat ourselves up about it, or pretend we don’t feel its presence.

Next, we take responsibility for your part in it all.  And  yes, I am going by the assumption that you are not a victim, and that in some way, you played a role in what is happening.  This is not self-judgment, but an important step in feeling empowered to move through the situation.  Why? Because if you can see your role in it, you can see that you do have some control, and can therefore manipulate the situation in such a way that makes you feel better.

Now, we decide what would make us feel better, and sit with that decision.  C’mon, you know as well as I do that as good as roundhouse-kicking your “problem causer” may sound and internally feel like the ONLY thing that might make you feel better (#realtalk), it’s not an actual solution. I know, I know, but seriously, what actionable goals can you set for taking charge of feeling better? Perhaps writing a letter to your partner with an unfiltered approach to how you feel? Perhaps researching free financial advisors who can give you concrete steps towards getting your money right?  Maybe spending a Saturday afternoon reviewing your favorite feel better books can get you out of your funk.  Maybe you’ve got to tell that business partner face to face that the relationship no longer serves you or your goals. Get clear, pray for even more clarity, then do what feels right.

Then, as woo-woo as this may sound, breathe through the feelings.  Yes, there is a reason Creator uses breath to sustain us, and I personally remain grateful to my Source for access to the powers of deep breaths.  Try creating a visual image to go with the way you feel (pissed off might look like a large fire, for example), then imagine yourself inhaling in front of the image, safe from harm, and then using your exhalation to diminish the intensity of the feelings themselves.  With each breath out, imagine the power you have to decide on how you WANT TO FEEL, as opposed to letting our initial emotions run your show.

At the end of the day Mama, it’s just you and the way you feel. No external factors can coach, convince or convert you into a better woman. Certainly, once you’ve begun the journey, there are guides and offerings to help you keep your path clear, but that journey starts with an insistence on making the decision to BE the type of woman you admire.  We do not have to sit at the edge of the river and watch the other Goddesses bathe in the sunlight; we have permission to be our happiest selves too!

This takes work.

This takes commitment to seeing ourselves through jacked up tendencies.

This takes practicing the release of our unwanted baggage.

This takes giving the extra heavy stuff to God and asking for clarity and peace.

This takes forgiving ourselves for being [insert harsh reality here].

This takes practicing the art of SPEAKING, ACTING, and (in time) BEING that patient, forgiving, assertive, healthy, successful, gorgeous, inspiring woman that we are designed to be.

Can you see past the temporary onset of whatever-the-hell and stare your BEST SELF in the face?  Invite her in often. Court her like she deserves to be. Remind her that she has the ultimate seat of your soul, and that frustration, anger, sadness, and feelings of victimization are but mere commercial spots in between the feature length film of your beautifully deliberate Life Design.

Want some more? Here are some Get Happy Resources for those times when we just want to … ya know… NOT BE.

31 Ways to Get Happy—For Free!

Get Happy! Video and notes.

Is It Possible To Overcome Negative Emotions?

How to Overcome Negative Emotions.

  • This is real talk! Sometimes people get in funks, no matter how positive a person might try to be. I especially liked, “we allow ourselves to FEEL without self-judgment.” This is something I’ve been working on only for a few weeks, but that alone has helped my mindset tremendously. That you!

    • Thank you for your comment, KWiz! It’s the sort of thing that takes nurturing, not just realizing, and I’m happy to see that you do realize the need to nurture that part of yourself. If we keep beating ourselves up about how we feel, how in the world will we ever trust ourselves enough to move past the emotion? I wish you the best as you journey toward that place devoid of self-judgment!! Lord knows I’m working on mine 🙂

  • ‘…..but that journey starts with an insistence on making the decision to BE the type of woman you admire.’ Thank you.

    • You’re most welcome, sis! You know that’s a moment by moment sort of thing, which is great news, because it means we get LOTS of practice and that muscle will eventually be nice and gorgeous, just the way we want it!

  • ‘…..but that journey starts with an insistence on making the decision to BE the type of woman you admire.’ Thank you.

    • You’re most welcome, sis! You know that’s a moment by moment sort of thing, which is great news, because it means we get LOTS of practice and that muscle will eventually be nice and gorgeous, just the way we want it!

  • Thank you for your comment, KWiz! It’s the sort of thing that takes nurturing, not just realizing, and I’m happy to see that you do realize the need to nurture that part of yourself. If we keep beating ourselves up about how we feel, how in the world will we ever trust ourselves enough to move past the emotion? I wish you the best as you journey toward that place devoid of self-judgment!! Lord knows I’m working on mine 🙂

  • Gosh I love your blogs. You articulated my frustrations beautifully. I needed to read this today 🙂

  • Gosh I love your blogs. You articulated my frustrations beautifully. I needed to read this today 🙂